


Deadpool Kills The Coronavirus

by SonsOfBeaches99



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comedy, Deadpool being Deadpool, One Shot, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade Wilson Dealing with Coronavirus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:22:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonsOfBeaches99/pseuds/SonsOfBeaches99
Summary: As everyone grows paranoid throughout the globe, Wade Wilson likes to offer up his genuine "Thanks" to the things that have started off all the problems we now face in the bloodiest, gruesome fashion one can only imagine.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19





	Deadpool Kills The Coronavirus

Deep in the layers of the Microverse exists an organism that threatens all life within Planet Earth as the organism has gained sentient consciousness and manage to duplicate itself into vast numbers until there were more than enough for them to plan out their acts against Humanity.

"We have done excellent work these past few months, gentle-germs!" Said one virus. "With our essence spread across the globe, every human now realizes how much they should be afraid of us!"

"Soon, we will contaminate every living being across the Earth, spreading our seeds throughout all sentient life

"And then, the only thing that will be left will be our tissues implanted upon the DNA of all humans, making them sick only for our amusement!"

"And there isn't a single person left to stop us!"

The germs began to laugh maniacally evilly, having to have gotten away with their plot to-!

"Wait!" One of the germs interrupted. "Hold on, I saw this in some cartoon, I just gotta..." It started getting out a record player, inserting a record on the turntable to play some music. "Alright, that's much better! Let's continue laughing."

The viruses laughed evilly once more as the record player began to play a tune, seeing how they've managed to have gotten away with this-!

"Hold on, Beaches, let me stop you right there!" Said a voice from afar. "Readers haven't come here to read about Covid-19 ripping off Plankton from _Spongebob_ , and I can already tell everyone's getting bored to death by all the cheesy nonsense, so I'm just gonna take over the dialogue, and you just write about the action sequences, what everyone's doing, all that crap."

The virus known as Covid-19 turned around, looking around the hear the voice coming from their hideout. "Who is there?!"

"Who do you think it is, dummy? It's your friendly neighborhood..."

A gunshot rang out, putting a bullet on one of the viruses heads, splattering their fluids all over the place as it fell to the ground dead, Deadpool appeared, jumping from above as he landed swiftly well.

"Merc with a Mouth!" Deadpool finished off. "And for the record, I'm kinda pissed that you didn't update Spider-Man the last weekend, but you know, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna let this slide after dealing with all the Coronavirus bullshit."

"What the hell do you want, you lunatic?!" A Coronavirus minion asked.

"Oh, isn't it obvious?" Deadpool asked. "What I want are two things, no, make that three things! One, I want a Chimichanga. Two, I want to sign up for Disney Plus+ so I can binge-watch _The Mandalorian._ Three..." Wade started getting out his guns, pointing directly at the Covid-19 germs. "I want some motherfucking payback for all the shit you pulled off! Readers, cue Marilyn Manson while you're reading this!"

 _Rock Is Dead_ is played in the background as Deadpool fired out bullets, shooting at multiple Coronavirus thugs, killing them instantly before moving onto the rest, getting out his katanas to slice one of them in half while cutting their heads clean off.

Covid-19 tried to fight back, of course, but due to Wade's Healing Factor, they are shit out of luck, making some cower in terror as one Covid started to panic, seeing Wade approach him, trying to land a punch into him only to have a blade stab him right through the ballsack, making it wail in agony before DP got a gun and blown its brains out.

Then more started to appear, much to Deadpool's convenience as they huddled together, attempting to rid the Merc out of their hideaway.

"Aw, look at that! You guys started forming together like Agent Smith! Gosh, Hugo would be proud."

"Kill his sorry ass!" One Covid-19 called out, as the rest charged on, throwing themselves together on top of the Mutant as every Covid attempted to kill Deadpool.

"Ugh, god, is this supposed to be Deadpool Vs. Coronavirus? Or is this supposed to be a rip off of _The Marvel Universe Kills Deadpool_? Both feel extremely lame as of right now."

Suddenly, an explosion blew every Covid up as Wade's suit was damaged from the blast radius, that he observed getting himself back up on his feet.

"Okay, maybe not so lame after all!" Wade pronounced as he saw the remaining Covids started to run away from terror. "Now, where the fuck are you little shits going?! We're not done yet!"

Deadpool chased after the surviving members of Covid-19 as he sliced and diced and shot and blew up every single one of them at a time.

"This one's for my Chinese Fans!" Deadpool said as he shot one in the face. "This one's for making everyone delay all the Disney Plus shows, and Black Widow!" He stated while slam-dunking another, stabbing it by the eyeball. "This one's for making all the stores sell out all of my favorite cereal!" He grabbed one by the neck, sticking a grenade in its mouth and throwing it to the side as he heard it go BOOM! "This one's for making all the Movie Theaters shut down, fuck you very much!"

He started cutting one by the waist the way Obi-Wan did to Darth Maul as blood fell from a Covid's waist, hearing him scream in helpless pain. "This one's for fucking over all of our Travel Experiences!" He grabbed a knife and threw it at a Covid, stabbing it right through the open mouth. "This one's for closing down Disneyland, Universal Studios, and Six Flags!"

He turned to see one last remaining Covid started to run away in absolute horror as Wade chuckled at how scared it is of _him._

"And this?" He started, getting out an RPG. "Oh, this one's definitely for Idris Elba, you fucking bastards!"

He pulled the trigger and released a rocket aiming straight for the Covid-19 as it turned around, seeing it come for its target until it exploded, splattering blood all over the walls as Wade sighed, then screamed triumphantly as he stood among the corpses of dozens of Covid-19s.

"Ah, FUCKING A, that felt good!" Deadpool let out a sigh of relief, seeing how he has accomplished his work. "Okay, that pretty much demonstrates my utter frustration with this situation." He turned to face you, the Reader. "Now, as SonsofBeaches99's personal speaker, I'd like to ask that the people of Fanfiction and Archive of Our Own to be sure to leave a review/comment down at the bottom of the screen, and please don't forget that I, being the Sex Slave of Disney and Marvel, rightfully belong to them. I hope you guys are surviving okay, and I hope to see you sometime later! Now if you'll excuse me, I have more Covid-19's to kill off, so wish me luck!"

Deadpool got out a Quantum Realm device to transfer himself off to another Covid-19 hideout, anxious to kill off more and more Coronavirus A-Holes.


End file.
